


Possession

by ZainClaw



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Force Sensitive Finn, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Finn, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Post-The Force Awakens, Sharing Clothes, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22649902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZainClaw/pseuds/ZainClaw
Summary: “Sorry,” Finn whispers at first, which isn’t at all what Poe had wanted him to say. “It’s just—” He sighs, shoulders slumping even further. “I’ve never really… owned anything, before. Not— They gave us our blasters, the clothes on our back, but it's—” He shakes his head, clenching his jaw. “No one’s ever given me anything before. Not like that. Your jacket— It wasn’t just…whatever, to me.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 49
Kudos: 170





	Possession

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write about Finn and Poe falling in love during the war after the events of The Force Awakens. I just wanted Poe to keep lending Finn his clothes and then feeling some soft type of way when seeing him in them around base. I just wanted Luke to join the fight to train Rey and Finn. I just wanted to explore what happens when someone who's never had any possessions of his own suddenly does. I just wanted to write about the complexity of the Force and the Dark Side. So here I am.
> 
> Massive thanks to my lovely friend and beta [Delaney](https://omg-theywere-cogenerals.tumblr.com/). You are the best cheerleader ever, and without you this fic would've turned out very differently. You are an Angst God. Thanks for being my Master.
> 
> I made a [photoset](https://zainclaw.tumblr.com/post/190822460107) for this story over on my [tumblr](https://zainclaw.tumblr.com/) in case anyone wants some visuals!

I

"Back again, Commander?"

Poe jumps, straightening up from where he'd been slouching in the chair. He looks over his shoulder to find Leia standing in the doorway, having somehow managed to enter the small room without him noticing. She's wearing that familiar expression of hers; the one that's equally kind and bemused.

"General," he says, standing up. "I—"

He looks back to the man lying on the bed next to him. The white shirt the med droid put him in after the bacta treatment is a stark contrast against Finn's skin, every inch of him so _clean_ that Poe had felt bad the first time he came to visit still wearing his sweaty flight suit. Sometimes he gets changed after a mission before coming here, but today he hadn't. The days on D'Qar are shorter than Poe would like them to be, and the sun had already started to set when he touched ground.

"He doesn't really know anyone here," Poe points out, turning back to Leia who's coming over to join him at Finn's side. "Not with Rey gone. I just thought— I just figured he should have a familiar face around, when he wakes up."

Leia reaches over to squeeze his arm, offering him a faint smile.

"That's nice of you, Poe." Her eyes travel back to Finn as she lets her arm fall from his, sighing softly. "He's been through a lot, you know."

Poe follows her gaze, even though he doesn't need to; he's mapped out every inch of Finn's face already. Despite how peaceful Finn looks when he sleeps — more peaceful than Poe ever got the chance to see him when he was awake — Poe still walks in here every day hoping to see something different.

"I know," he agrees.

He wonders what it's like to be her. What it's like to look down at Finn, knowing her son did this. She's already grieving Han Solo, though she's doing a good job of hiding it. Poe will never stop being impressed by her strength.

"And yet I reckon we don't know the half of it," Leia goes on. "As much as it pains me, we're going to need as much intel as he can give us as soon as he wakes up."

Poe parts his lips to protest, but presses them tightly together again. He knows she's right, that every bit of information about the First Order could mean life or death for them. It just feels unfair for the Resistance to ask any more of Finn than he's already given.

When Poe made it back here after Jakku, he hadn't expected anyone to believe him when telling them of his escape. Least of all the general. Instead, she'd been the first to believe him, silencing anyone who doubted his story about being rescued by a stormtrooper. Poe couldn't really blame them — before he met Finn he'd only heard the same rumors about the First Order and its soldiers as the rest of the galaxy. That they were the perfect army, trained to kill since birth. Poe isn't sure when he started to think of stormtroopers as little more than battle droids, but he must have at some point, because nothing can compare to the pure _shock_ he'd felt when Finn had first taken his helmet off, revealing a human being underneath.

It's not a lie, wanting to be here mainly for Finn's sake, but there's more to it than that. Poe _wants_ to be here when Finn wakes up, wants to see that he's okay with his own two eyes. They don't know each other that well, having only spent a handful of hours together, but Poe can't deny the _connection_ he feels. Finn risked everything when saving him on the _Finalizer_ , leaving the only life he'd ever known behind.

Poe thinks about it sometimes — the amount of courage it must've taken Finn to do that. To go behind Kylo Ren's back and free Poe from his bonds. To risk getting caught in a lie by another trooper supposed to be his brother. Poe also thinks about how easily Finn had answered the question _"what's your name?"_ with a series of numbers. Like he really _was_ just a battle droid. A mass-produced weapon.

He cares for Finn with a burning intensity that he doesn't feel the need to justify.

"I'll leave you two alone," Poe decides, stepping away from the bed.

"Don't be silly," Leia scoffs. "From what I hear, no one has managed to kick you out of here yet. Don't let me be the exception."

Poe gives her a small smile.

"I think you should be." He pauses, eyes drawn back to Finn, before meeting Leia's gaze again. "I should get some rest, anyway. Black Squadron's got another recon mission in the morning."

"That you do," she agrees kindly.

He nods, backing up towards the door.

"General."

"Commander."

Kylo Ren is gone.

A lot of people wanted to believe he died along with most of the First Order's forces when Starkiller base was destroyed, but Leia insists that he's alive. Poe can't find it in his heart to doubt her. With both his parents having fought for the Rebellion, his mother even going on missions alongside Luke Skywalker himself, Poe has always known the Force to be _real_. He may not understand it, and these days it terrifies him more than anything else, but he trusts Leia.

They've been scouting the other systems in the outer rim, making sure they won't get ambushed by any survivors of the First Order. It's impossible to know how many there are. So far there's been no reports or signs of their fleet anywhere, meaning they're no closer to finding out where Kylo Ren has disappeared to.

They know they can't stay on D'Qar for much longer; the First Order had known to target the Ileenium system, and even if they don't have their exact location, it won't take them long to figure out what planet their base is on once whoever survived decides to retaliate. The Resistance is looking for a new home.

"You look like shit," Jess informs him one morning, sitting down across from him in the mess hall. She's never been one to address her commanding officers with the typical respect, him especially, but Poe wouldn't want it any other way. Black Squadron is only as good as they are because of how close they are, and he'd rather get demoted than lose his friendship with any of them.

"Thanks," Poe deadpans.

"You need a nap," she goes on. "And a shave."

Poe scoffs, bringing the cup of caf to his lips.

Since Jakku, sleep doesn't find him easily. And whenever it does, he jolts awake more nights than not, drenched in cold sweat and throat raw from his own screaming. Sometimes his body remains paralyzed for a moment, as if still bound. His head throbbing, as if Kylo Ren is still forcing his way inside.

Poe is running on fumes, only catching a few hours shut-eye here and there. Just enough to keep going. He keeps telling himself that the nightmares will stop, that he'll eventually get over it. It can't go on forever.

It just _can't_.

He finishes his caf with one last swig and gets up from the table.

"See you on the air strip in five," he says.

When Finn wakes up, Poe isn't there.

He's in the hangar, doing some much needed repairs on Black One, when BB-8 comes to find him. The sound of the droid's heavy shell rolling over the duracrete floor and the furious beeping echoes between the stale walls, calling for more people's attention than just Poe's. Poe would probably feel more embarrassed about it if not for the way BB-8's words make his heart leap.

"Finn's awake?" He repeats, crouching down with spread palms to catch BB-8 when the droid reaches him. He can hear the disbelief in his own voice. After such a long time, it feels surreal. BB-8 bleeps again, and Poe blinks. "They sent for me?"

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Snap asks, ducking under Black One's nose as he circles the ship. He's still got his wrench in his right hand and offers up his left one. "Go on."

Poe stands, handing over his own wrench with a nod in thanks, before hurrying after a still chirping BB-8 out of the hangar, heading for medbay.

He expects the general to be there when entering Finn's room, and is surprised to find no one but Dr. Kalonia. Finn's upper body is propped up by a stack of pillows, his head turning to the door as soon as Poe walks in. He looks tired, but his face still lights up in a smile when their eyes meet.

"Finn," Poe breathes out, unable to hold back a grin of his own. He steps up to the bed, resisting the urge to lean down and pull him into a crushing hug. That's probably a bad idea. Instead his hand finds Finn's arm resting on top of the sheets, fingers gingerly curling around his wrist. "Oh, Finn, buddy. You're awake! Finally."

"Poe," Finn says, his voice hoarse. He's relieved to see him, Poe can tell, but his entire body language is reeking of tension. He looks like he's about two seconds away from trying to get out of bed.

"Lie still, please," Dr. Kalonia tells him, who's apparently sensing the same thing. Her voice is firm, and she puts one hand on Finn's other arm. "I still need to run some tests, and General Organa will be here shortly."

"She told me what happened," Finn continues, still talking to Poe. Still with his chest heaving just a little too fast. "She told me, but I'm—"

He cuts himself off, looking lost, and Poe squeezes his arm in reassurance.

"It's okay," Poe says, trying to be as calm as possible. "I got you. I'll fill you in, I promise, but just—" He draws a breath and releases it again, shoulders slumping. "Just take it easy, alright?" He pleads, voice soft. "You were out of it for a long time, pal, and you only just woke up. Let the doc make sure you're okay before you barge out of here. Okay?"

Finn's gaze flickers over his face, something in his eyes that Poe can't name. Then he nods, jaw set as he lets himself lean back against the pillows, and Poe exhales through his nose. Dr. Kalonia catches Poe's eyes, nodding a silent thanks, before turning her full attention to the holopad next to Finn's bed.

"Just tell me Rey is okay."

Finn's voice is quiet, fear bleeding through, and Poe understands. For the rest of them, it's been _weeks_ since Rey and Finn fought Kylo Ren on Starkiller base. For Finn, it probably feels like it just happened.

"She's okay," Poe promises. "We're all okay. That's all you need to know right now."

Finn closes his eyes briefly, nodding.

Poe squeezes Finn's arm, before looking down to realize his hands are covered in grease, and that he's already left stains on Finn's clean sleeve.

"Shit," he mutters, loosening his grip even though he doesn't pull away. Doesn't want to. "Ah— I'm sorry."

Finn glances down to where Poe is touching him, but doesn't look troubled by the mess Poe is making of his new clothes. He turns his arm over in Poe's loose grip, palm facing upwards, as he slides his hand down enough to wrap his fingers around Poe's wrist.

It takes Poe by surprise, how easily Finn touches him. He's once again reminded that they still barely know each other, and there's a lot to learn about Finn and the affection he gives to his friends. If that's what they are. What they will become.

Poe tightens his own grip again, feeling Finn's pulse over his own. He swallows around the lump of emotions forming in his throat, offering Finn a small smile.

"It's good to have you back, buddy."

Finn smiles again, a little easier this time. He squeezes Poe's wrist, and Poe squeezes back.

Leia arrives soon after that. Poe lets go of Finn's hand as soon as the general enters the room, then immediately feels bad about it when catching Finn giving him a questioning look out of the corner of his eye.

"Finn," Leia says, a motherly smile resting on her lips. She comes over to stand by the bed, and Poe moves out of the way. She touches Finn's hand briefly, and Poe's eyes are drawn to the stains he left on Finn's sleeve, one of them almost a perfect handprint. "It's so good to have you back."

For a moment Finn looks like he doesn't know how to react to that, his face so raw with emotion it makes Poe's heart clench.

"Thank you, ma'am," he eventually says. "I understand that I've been under for quite some time, but—" He sighs, and the tone of his voice turns more lighthearted. "I would love to know what's going on."

Poe huffs, and Leia's smile broadens.

They fill him in on what happened after Kylo Ren struck him down, and what's been going on around the base since then. They remind him about nearly getting his spine cut in half by a lightsaber, and explains how the bacta treatment has helped him heal. They tell him about Rey taking the _Millennium_ _Falcon_ to find Luke Skywalker, and that they're still waiting to hear back from her. They tell him that she hadn't wanted to leave before he woke up, but there was no time. If Kylo Ren is with his new master like Leia fears, they're going to need Luke.

"How do you know she made it?" Finn asks, and Poe can tell he's trying really hard not to be disrespectful. "How do we know she's okay?"

Leia tilts her head to the side, watching him with a wry smile.

"What do your instincts tell you?" She asks, which confuses Poe.

Finn blinks, opening his mouth as if to answer, only to close it again.

"That she's okay," he finally says.

Leia nods, pleased. As if Finn just passed some sort of test. Poe doesn't understand, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing he should ask about. He lets the two of them have their moment of understanding, watching Finn sag against the pillows. Despite just having woken up from a coma, he looks an awful lot like someone who needs a nap.

Dr. Kalonia seems to agree, and she soon insists that Finn should rest and get something in his stomach.

"When can I get out of here?" Finn asks with a sigh, a twinkle in his eyes that makes Poe smile.

"You should stay at least another night, just to make sure everything's as it should be," the doctor announces. "But after that I'd say you're free to go. Your vitals are good, and your back is all healed up."

Finn looks relieved to hear that.

"We'll find you a room," Leia assures him. "And… when you're feeling up to it, please come find me. I hate to ask anything more from you, Finn, but I believe learning more about your time with the First Order could really help us. If you'd share it with me, I'd very much appreciate it."

Finn's look of relief only falters slightly at that, but he doesn't hesitate to nod.

"I understand," he says, sounding like he means it. "I will, General. Thank you. For… letting me stay."

"Young man," Leia says, sternly. "Let it be known, that there's nowhere in the galaxy you belong more than here."

Poe recognizes the doubt in Finn's eyes, but still watches him press his lips together and nod in silent thanks. Leia pats his hand, telling him to rest up, before taking her leave. The doctor follows her out, promising Finn that she'll be right back with some food. The look she gives Poe suggests that he should probably be gone by the time she returns.

With just the two of them left in the room, Poe moves back to his usual spot next to Finn's bed. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds Finn watching him with such _curiosity_ it throws him off. A smile is playing on his lips, eyes shining with mischief, and the sight makes something stir deep inside Poe.

"What?" He scoffs, unable to hold back a smile of his own. "I got something on my face?"

"Yeah," Finn grins. "A beard."

Poe laughs, taken aback. He runs one hand over his scratchy cheek.

"I've been _busy_ , alright? Shaving hasn't exactly been a top priority. I'll get to it eventually."

Finn huffs, then seems to hesitate.

"Keep it." His smile doesn't falter, but it turns more sincere for a split second. "It suits you."

Poe grins, delighted. Finn might even mean it, but the joking callback to their reunion is enough. For a moment they just stay like that, smiling at each other.

"Hey," Poe says then, reaching out again. This time, he puts his hand on top of Finn's. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"

Finn hums, nodding.

"Bring BB-8," he suggests.

Poe huffs, unable to hold back another wide smile. He nods, squeezing Finn's fingers briefly before letting go.

"Get some rest, buddy."

"How's Finn?" Karé asks as they're stepping into the hangar to ready their ships for takeoff the next morning.

"Good," Poe says, smiling weakly at her. He's tired, having laid awake all night, and had doubled his caf intake at breakfast. "He might be getting out of medbay today already."

"Really?" Jess sounds excited. "We're finally getting to meet him, then?"

Poe huffs.

"Yeah. Sure. As long as you don't… scare him off."

The group laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls in the hangar. It's a sound that never fails to make Poe smile.

"We'll behave, boss," Snap promises, clapping Poe's shoulder as he comes to a stop next to Black One.

"I'm not worried about _you_ ," Poe clarifies, returning the gesture before Snap and the others head for their own ships. Finn has technically already met Snap, though only briefly, before the attack on Starkiller base. There hadn't been time for introductions, though. "It's Pava."

"Hey!" Jess exclaims, raising her arms in mock offence where she's already standing next to her x-wing, helmet on. "I'm _nice_."

"When?" Karé snorts, placing a light slap on top of Jess's helmet in passing.

"Alright, guys, reel it in," Poe says, before Jess has the chance to retaliate. He's fighting a smirk. "Let's get to work."

Finn is sitting on the edge of his bed when Poe arrives at the medbay later in the afternoon, his feet on the floor, and it's a nice change after only having seen him in a horizontal position for so long. He's shirtless, slightly hunched forward while a med droid is doing something to his back. Poe's steps falter, unsure if he should apologize and wait outside until it's done, but Finn has already lifted his head to smile at him. He looks a lot better than he'd done yesterday, a new glow to him that makes Poe smile back.

BB-8 rolls past him in the doorway, letting out a stream of happy beeps, and Finn laughs.

"Hey, buddy. It's good to see you, too."

Poe arches a brow.

"You somehow learned binary while you were in a coma?"

Finn scoffs, shaking his head.

"It was a guess."

Poe chuckles, taking a few steps further into the room. He watches Finn reach down to touch the top of the droid's dome. BB-8 tells him to be careful, which Finn of course doesn't understand, but withdraws his hand soon enough.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come," Finn admits, looking back to Poe. The relief is there again, written all over his face. "I— I don't really know where to go, once they let me out of here."

"Hey, I said I would," Poe reminds him. He wants to reach out and clap Finn gently on the shoulder, but since he's not wearing a shirt that doesn't seem appropriate. "Sorry I'm late."

The squadron had returned in the late afternoon, and Poe had made sure to wash up and change before coming here this time. The sun hasn't set yet, but it's already getting darker outside.

Finn watches him for a second.

"You okay?" He asks, surprising Poe. "You look… tired."

"I'm fine."

He's so used to the lie that it falls off his tongue way too easily, and he regrets it immediately. Because he can tell Finn doesn't believe him, and he looks hurt at the fact that Poe doesn't want to be honest with him. It makes Poe's heart sink like a stone in his chest, because Finn deserves better than that.

"I'm—" He starts. "I _am_ … tired. I just—" He lets out a shaky breath, shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Finn murmurs. The hurt is gone, replaced with tender concern. The kind that Poe usually runs from, that he doesn't want to be faced with. "Just—"

He doesn't finish, but Poe still nods. Agreeing to something unspoken.

_Let's not do this. Let's not lie to each other._

"Everything okay?" He asks then, nodding towards the med droid.

Finn makes a disgruntled noise.

"Some kind of salve, apparently. For the scar."

Poe hasn't seen Finn's scar, but he'd seen the open wound as Finn was carried out of the _Falcon_ after the battle. It had been gruesome then — the back of Poe's old jacket melting together with Finn's scorched flesh — and there'd been a lot of new tissue for his body to grow during the bacta treatment. The scar is _big_. He knows that much.

"I'm still being discharged, though," Finn clarifies. "It doesn't hurt. Not really. I just feel… stiff, but doc said it'll pass."

Poe nods, happy to hear that.

"You've been assigned a room," he informs him. "To share with another recruit. If you want. But if not— I wanted to offer you to come stay with me instead."

Finn blinks, eyebrows raised.

"With you?"

"I'm a commander. My room is big enough for two," Poe reasons.

Finn sits quiet for a moment, thinking it over.

"I'm used to sharing," he eventually says, voice low. "But… I'd rather share with you."

Dr. Kalonia insists on having a word with Finn in private before letting him go, sending Poe and BB-8 to wait outside the door. He doesn't argue with her, even though he wants to. Whatever it is that can't be said in his presence, he has to believe it's with Finn's best interests at heart. And Finn's health is significantly more important than Poe's curiosity.

When Finn finally emerges from the room, a pile of neatly folded clothing in his hands, Poe's attention is immediately drawn to the stiffness to his walk. Finn must know what he's thinking, because he pulls a face as he makes his way over to Poe.

"Doc says it'll pass. Probably shouldn't attempt running, though."

"Let's not," Poe agrees, smiling softly. "It's just nice to see you up and moving."

Finn smiles brightly at that. BB-8 whirs.

"Yeah, yeah," Poe says. "Come on."

Finn had stayed at the base little more than a day before the attack on Starkiller base, so he's still not familiar with the layout. Poe leads him through the underground tunnels, trying his best not to overwhelm him while pointing out the exits or the quickest way to the mess hall. Poe figures the most important thing is for Finn to learn where their room is.

"I need to stop by the command center and give General Organa my report," he tells Finn as they're walking. "I'll drop you off at the room first, though. Or you can come, if you want. Shouldn't take too long."

He can tell Finn considers it before regretfully shaking his head.

"Better not," he says. "I'm… pretty worn-out."

"That's fine," Poe assures him, giving him a small pat on the shoulder. Finn is wearing a new shirt, free from pilot-shaped handprints. "It's boring, anyway. You just relax, buddy."

"Could you help me get there tomorrow?" Finn asks. "To see the general? I promised I would."

"You promised you would when you were feeling up for it," Poe corrects him. "You can give it another day, if you need to."

"I'm good," Finn insists. "Tomorrow, I'll be good."

Poe only hesitates for a second or two before setting his jaw, nodding.

"Okay. I'll go with you."

"Thank you," Finn tells him, sincerely.

Poe's room isn't impressive by any means, only slightly bigger than the standard ones, but Finn's eyes are wide as he steps through the door. Poe chuckles, crossing his arms and leans back against the wall, just watching Finn take the place in.

"You have… a lot of things," Finn concludes.

Poe raises his eyebrows, wanting to disagree, but still looks around the room in an attempt to see what Finn sees. He's got a framed photo of his parents on top of the small desk, maps and charts taking up the rest of its surface. He's got an open closet which is mostly taken up by his flight suit and gear. BB-8's charging station is set up in a corner, next to a box that's a mess of tools and gadgets. Poe has seen plenty of Resistance members who've personalized their rooms a lot more than he has.

"I'll try to find a mattress," Poe says, pushing off from the wall. "I'll sleep on the floor, and you'll take the bed."

"What? No way."

"Your _back_ , Finn. I'm not gonna let you—"

"It's _fine_. A mattress will do _fine_. I'm not—"

"You're taking the bed."

"I'm not taking your bed, Poe."

Poe scoffs, putting both hands on his hips. Finn's eyes are determined, but there's amusement there too.

"Alright," Poe sighs, changing tactics. "How about this: Unless I find a _very_ comfortable mattress, you're taking the bed."

Finn thinks it over for a second.

"Deal."

"Deal," Poe agrees. He gestures to the pile of clothes Finn is still carrying around. "Come on, you can put those away. In there."

He points, and Finn crouches down with a small grunt to put them at the bottom of Poe's closet. When he straightens back up, something in his expression has changed, only Poe can't tell what it is. He wants to ask, but Finn's face is more reserved than usual, so he doesn't.

"I gotta go," he admits, wishing he didn't. "Are you hungry? BB-8 can show you the way to the mess hall if you want to go grab something."

BB-8 looks up at him, letting out a questioning beep.

"I'll be fine without you, pal," Poe assures him. "You stay with Finn."

Finn takes another moment to nod, looking somewhat sheepish.

"Yeah, okay."

They step out into the corridor again, door sliding shut behind them. The command center and the mess hall are in opposite directions, so Poe turns to Finn for a simple goodbye.

"I'll catch up with you later."

"Poe," Finn breathes out, abrupt enough to make Poe pause. "I'm sorry. They— They couldn't save your jacket. It's ruined."

Poe blinks, finally recognizing the look on Finn's face as _guilt_. That's what this is about? His jacket? Poe is so taken aback, so relieved that it's not something else, something _serious_ , that he can't help but huff a laugh.

"That's— That's fine, Finn," he reassures him. "Don't worry about it."

Finn looks confused.

"You don't care?"

Poe huffs again, shaking his head.

"No. No, I don't." He tries to give Finn a reassuring smile, clapping him lightly on the shoulder as he gets ready to step past Finn and head for Command. "It's just a jacket, Finn."

He can immediately tell it's the wrong thing to say.

Finn's face — usually so _open_ and full of emotion, and Poe always figured it was because the man never had to learn how to _not_ show exactly what he's feeling under that stormtrooper helmet — completely closes down. His jaw sets, eyes going blank. The change is so unexpected and _horrifying_ that it has Poe stumbling over his own two feet. His heart droops, because the thought of having upset Finn makes his stomach go cold with dread.

"Hey," he says, uncertain, as he reaches for Finn's shoulder again. Not to clap it in passing, but to rest his hand there while steadily seeking his gaze. "Hey, hey, buddy. I wasn't— What—"

He doesn't know what to say, what to apologize for, but thankfully Finn seems to care more for his touch than his words. Poe can feel some of the tension in Finn's shoulders disappear under the weight of his palm, a troubled frown appearing on his face. Finn parts his lips, but seems hesitant to speak, looking downright _trapped_ for a moment. His eyes flicker to the corridor behind Poe, perhaps pondering the fact that Poe had just made to leave, that there's people waiting for him, and yet he lingers.

"Hey," Poe says again, softer this time. He clasps the shoulder of Finn's new shirt a little tighter. The thought of them parting ways without him knowing what he'd done wrong terrifies him, to leave Finn upset. "Buddy. Talk to me."

It's like watching a wall fall away, the moment Finn lets his emotions bleed back into his expression. He ducks his head down for a moment before looking back up, and Poe realizes it's because his eyes are shiny.

"Sorry," Finn whispers at first, which isn't at all what Poe had wanted him to say. "It's just—" He sighs, shoulders slumping even further. "I've never really… _owned_ anything, before. Not— They gave us our blasters, the clothes on our back, but it's—" He shakes his head, clenching his jaw. "No one's ever given me anything before. Not like that. Your jacket— It wasn't just… _whatever_ , to me."

Poe lets out a breath through his nose, something tugging at his heart at the admission. He swallows, shifting his stance as he nods carefully, not letting go of Finn's shoulder. It feels very important to keep his hand where it is.

"Alright," he says, still nodding. "Look, I get it, okay? I'm— I understand. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take that away from you. That's not what I meant."

He opens his mouth to tell Finn that the jacket probably meant more to Finn than it did to himself, but closes it again. Partly because he understands it's not what Finn needs to hear, but also because it feels like a lie. The jacket may have meant more to Finn in a _materialistic_ sense, but Poe doesn't just go around handing down his clothes to people. And he'd _loved_ that jacket.

It had _meant_ something, giving it to Finn.

"But it is _just_ a jacket. You know? I'm not upset with you for losing it. What matters is _you_ made it back in one piece. That's all that matters, Finn. Not a jacket."

Finn blinks, his face soft and _raw_ with something that makes Poe's heart leap. It's the same look that had compelled Poe to tell him that he's a good man, the day Finn arrived on D'Qar. Because he'd looked like he needed to hear it. Because Finn so often looks like he can't quite believe someone is happy to see him or cares for his wellbeing. That he's got people on his side and won't have to fight all battles on his own anymore.

After a moment, he nods.

"I'm still… sorry."

"I appreciate that," Poe tells him. "But you don't have to be. I mean that."

Finn nods again, and he looks like he actually believes it this time.

"Okay."

"Okay," Poe nods, attempting a faint smile, and is relieved when Finn returns it. He squeezes his shoulder one last time before letting his hand fall back to his side. "You go get something to eat, and I'll see you later. BB-8, don't lose him."

BB-8 beeps, faking offence almost as good as Jess.

"Thank you," Finn says, and Poe can't tell if it's directed to him or the droid.

Reporting to the general goes about as quickly as Poe had hoped. Afterwards, as he's about to leave, she asks him if Finn has been discharged yet. Poe admits that he's offered Finn to stay with him. Leia doesn't seem surprised to hear that, which makes heat rise to Poe's face, even though he's not sure why. He'll never be ashamed of caring about someone or offering them help. That's not how he was raised.

"He looks up to you," Leia says, in a voice that Poe is scared to define.

"He doesn't know anyone else," he reasons.

She fixes him with a stern look.

"Give yourself more credit, Poe. Just because Finn doesn't have a lot of friendships doesn't mean he doesn't value yours."

Poe opens his mouth, but closes it again. His heart skips out of beat.

The general nods, looking satisfied.

"Go get some rest, Commander."

On his way back, Poe stops by one of the storage units to look for a mattress. A friendly woman helps him find one, and even offers to help him carry the thing back to his room. He gratefully accepts.

Poe doesn't expect Finn to be back from mess when pressing his thumb to the scanner next to the door, seeing how he wasn't gone for long, so he's surprised to find Finn standing over Poe's desk. Finn hurries to take a step back when the door slides open, like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"Hey," Poe says, pushing the mattress through the door with a grunt. BB-8 greets him with a string of beeps from his corner. "Wanna help me plan the next recon mission?"

Finn huffs, sheepishly shaking his head.

"No, sorry. I was just looking."

"Hey, look all you want," Poe shrugs. "It's not my journal. Not that I keep one."

He closes the door behind him, and puts the mattress to stand against the wall. He leans against it with one shoulder, crossing his arms to catch his breath a little. Finn carefully sits down on the edge of Poe's bed, elbows on his knees, palms sliding together.

They look at each other for a moment in silence.

"Found a mattress," Poe announces.

The corners of Finn's mouth twitch even as he manages to remain serious.

"I'm not taking your bed."

Poe just nods.

"I know."

Because he does. Which is why he'd made sure to find a good one, thick and firm, so that it won't put Finn too close to the floor. So that it won't put too much strain on his back. Because despite the limited time Poe has known Finn, he still knows him _enough_ to figure out he wouldn't let Poe give his bed up. Not Finn.

Finn, who's bursting with so much compassion that he doesn't seem to know what to do with it sometimes. A default to his programming that no amount of conditioning by the First Order had managed to bypass.

Poe pushes away from the wall and comes over to sit next to Finn. Close enough for their knees to brush up against one another. Finn's gaze is somewhere on the floor, and Poe frowns.

"You okay?" He asks, voice soft. "I didn't think you'd be back already. Not hungry?"

Finn lets out a breath, shooting him a quick look. He looks tired again, and Poe aches with concern.

"I had some food. I'm good. I just didn't feel like sticking around."

"Okay," Poe drawls, unable to assume anything but the worst. He knows there are some people on base that don't appreciate the fact that Finn is an ex-stormtrooper, that don't think they can trust him. "Look," he says, gently placing a hand on Finn's shoulder. Finn turns his head to meet his eyes. "If someone said something to make you feel unwelcome—"

"It's not that," Finn interrupts, shaking his head. He sighs, Poe's hand rising and falling with his shoulder. "I just feel out of place here, sometimes. Especially when I'm alone. I _want_ to be here, but— I can't help but feel like I haven't earned my right to be here yet."

"Of course you have! Finn, you fought Kylo Ren _with a lightsaber_."

Finn pauses, like he can't argue with that.

"I just feel… _wrong_ ," he continues after a moment. "Being here. Like I'm just suddenly one of you. Just another member of the Resistance. As if my history doesn't matter."

"It doesn't," Poe insists.

"How can it not?" Finn counters, letting out a mirthless scoff.

Poe can tell that he's frustrated, but not with _him_. He squeezes Finn's shoulder, and is surprised when Finn leans into it. Poe sighs softly, licking his lips.

"That's exactly how it goes, for all of us," he murmurs. "Suddenly you're Resistance. There's no initiation."

Finn swallows. Poe is close enough to feel the vibration from it.

"I didn't join this cause like you people did. This— This isn't _my_ fight, Poe. I haven't lost what most of you lost."

"Haven't you?" Poe asks, before he can stop himself. Finn doesn't answer, just stays where he is against his side. Poe sighs softly, feeling all the fight leave him, too. "Finn," he says. "I think this is your fight more than it is mine."

The First Order has taken everything from Finn — his parents, his name, his home; leaving nothing left to help him find out who he is. Even if his family is still out there somewhere, even if the First Order hadn't killed them like so many other families, he wouldn't know where to look for them. He lost them, just like most Resistance members lost theirs.

Finn inhales sharply, straightening up a little as if collecting himself. Putting himself back together.

"I just want to do good now," he says quietly. "I want to _be_ … good."

Poe's chest feels tight. Slowly, he lets his hand slide off Finn's shoulder.

"You are, Finn," he says. "You are."

Their eyes meet. Finn looks fragile in a way he's never seen before, and it dawns on Poe that Finn is _young_. Far from a child, but young nonetheless. A couple years back, when he must've been around the same age, Poe had been a pilot in training for the New Republic, starving for adventure. He doubts Finn is starving for anything other than a break from all the danger and heartache.

"Alright," Poe sighs after a long silence, smiling faintly. "Let's get your bed set up, buddy."

Poe wakes with a start.

It's dark, but he can still make out the wall of his room, mere inches away from his face. He stares at it, staying perfectly still with one cheek pressed against the pillow, blood rushing in his ears as his heart throbs in his chest.

"Poe?"

Finn's voice is soft, coming from the rest of the room somewhere behind Poe.

"Yeah," Poe says, voice rough.

He swallows down a dry throat, eyes still on the wall as he tries to get his breathing under control. The rest of the world is so quiet, his frantic panting disturbing the stillness. Poe wonders if he'd been quiet in his sleep, or if he'd been loud even then. Hot shame prickles his skin, the pit of his stomach, but doesn't flare up the way he expects it to. It falters, as if unsure whether it should be there or not. Whether Finn is someone he should feel embarrassed for seeing him like this.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Poe says again, desperately swallowing around the lump in his throat. "Sorry," he adds then. He closes his hand into a fist around the bed sheets next to his face, trying to anchor himself in reality. Trying to rid himself of the images. "Did I wake you?"

"Nah."

Poe lets out a breath. He rolls onto his back, unclenching his hand from the sheets to wipe the sweat off his forehead. He looks up at the ceiling, resting one hand on top of his chest that's still rising and falling a little too fast. The rest of the room remains a bottomless darkness in his peripheral vision.

He knows Finn is there, close enough to touch, but Poe doesn't quite know how to look at him right now. He hadn't considered this scenario when asking Finn to room with him.

"Can't sleep?"

It takes a moment for Finn to answer, the darkness next to Poe's bed drawing a stuttering breath.

"Don't really want to," he admits.

Poe hums.

"Yeah," he rasps. "Know the feeling."

Silence reigns for a moment. He can sense the hesitation from Finn, like he _wants_ to ask, but isn't sure whether he should. Poe isn't sure, either; he's not sure if he'd want to tell Finn about his dreams, if he was to ask. He hasn't told anyone else.

"I dreamt a lot," Finn says eventually, voice low. "In medbay."

Now Poe's the one who wants to ask, because he understands what Finn means. Knows what kind of dreams he must be referring to. His heart lurches in his chest, wondering what terrors Finn can't shake, which ones he relives whenever he falls asleep. Does he dream of waking up alone in the punishing Jakku desert like Poe does? Bleeding, shaking, half buried under the sand. Or does he dream of horrors he experienced back on the _Finalizer_? At the hands of Phasma, General Hux, or Kylo Ren? Poe can relate to that, too.

But just like Finn hadn't, Poe doesn't ask.

Instead he turns his head to the side, resting one cheek on the cool side of the pillow, as he looks down to the spot on the floor next to his bed. His eyes have adjusted to the dark by now, having no trouble making out the shape of the man lying there. Finn is on his back, both hands idle on top of the thin blanket. His eyes meet Poe's instantly, as if he'd just been waiting for Poe to look in his direction, and the thought makes something stir inside Poe's belly.

For a moment, neither of them speak.

Finn looks tired, but healthier than he ever did lying on that hospital bed. Poe spent so many hours watching him sleep that Finn's face is probably more familiar to him than his own at this point. He knows every line, every mark left on his skin, every imperfection. The only thing that's new is Finn's eyes being open and looking right back at him.

"I'm glad you woke up," Poe says then, a delayed response to Finn's earlier admission.

He watches Finn's throat work as he swallows.

"Me too."

The moment stretches on for a little longer, before a tightening feeling in Poe's gut finally makes him avert his eyes. He stares up at the ceiling again, considering, then lets out a dramatic sigh as he pushes himself up. Finn watches him rise from the bed, curious, and Poe offers him a rueful smile.

"Since we're not sleeping…"

He holds out a hand to Finn.

"Where are we going?" Finn asks, accepting Poe's extended hand and lets himself be pulled to his feet with a small grunt. His fingers are cold against Poe's palm, body is still hot from the horrors in his dream. Poe claps Finn on the arm, making sure he's steady, before stepping back.

"I need some fresh air," he admits. "Grab a jacket."

When Finn doesn't move, Poe cocks an eyebrow in question.

"They didn't give me one."

"Oh," Poe says, looking to the small pile of clothes Finn had been given. "Of course. It's okay. You can borrow one of mine. Here."

He walks over to the closet and pulls out one of his two remaining jackets and offers it to Finn, who carefully accepts it. Their eyes meet, and there's a searching look in Finn's eyes that Poe feels like he shouldn't read too much into.

"Thank you."

Poe just smiles, slipping into his second jacket and motions for Finn to follow him.

The base never truly sleeps, even in the dead of night, but most hallways are empty as they make their way up to the surface. Poe isn't made to stay underground for too long — he belongs to the sky. As soon as they reach the top of the stairs he stops to draw a deep breath of the fresh, cool night air. Next to him Finn is doing the same thing, and it dawns on Poe that he hasn't been outside for weeks.

They climb one of the small hills on top of the hangar, Finn following Poe's lead to sit down in the grass. D'Qar's two moons look down on them from a starry sky, providing more than enough light for them to look out over the rest of the base. Most of it is underground, but the landing strips are difficult to hide. Surrounding them is wild forest, inhabited by little more than insects, but beautiful nonetheless.

"I've never done this," Finn says after they've sat in silence for a moment, eyes still on the landscape in front of him. "Just… stopped to look at a planet."

Poe feels the familiar sinking sensation in his gut.

"How many planets have you been to?"

"Many," Finn says, letting out a breath. He looks more relaxed out here, moonlight on his face, and Poe decides it's a good look on him. "Don't even remember them all. They moved us around a lot, for our training. Different systems, different planets, different ships."

Poe tries to picture what that's like, being tossed around the galaxy as a child with no name. He can't.

Before he comes up with something to say to that, he notices Finn studying the jacket Poe is wearing.

"Why does it look… _different_ from the others I've seen?" He asks, reaching over to brush his fingertips over the Rebel Alliance starbird on Poe's shoulder.

It's only brief, but Poe realizes he's been waiting for Finn to touch him again. He hums, smiling faintly as he absently reaches across his chest to touch the emblem himself. It's worn soft, just like the rest of the jacket.

"Because it's not the Resistance," he explains, and can't help but be slightly amused by Finn's visible confusion. "Not exactly. It's the Rebellion."

Finn blinks, still looking closely at the symbol. The difference is subtle — a few shades redder than the typical orange starbird marking most Resistance members' uniforms.

"It was my mother's." Poe only hesitates for a second before fumbling for the chain around his neck, holding up the ring attached to it. "So was this."

Finn studies the ring with understanding.

"I'm sorry." Poe shakes his head to show that it's okay, tucking the chain back inside his shirt. "Was she a pilot, too?"

Poe grins, surprised. He arches a brow.

"How did you know?"

Now it's Finn's turn to smile, small and humble, as he shrugs with one shoulder.

"Just a feeling."

"She taught me to fly," Poe tells him, looking to the two x-wings stationed at the end of the air strip below them. The hangars are too small to hold all of their ships, which is probably a good sign. "Would let me sit on her lap in the cockpit when I was just a child."

When he looks back to Finn, he's watching him with a smile.

"What about your father?"

"He was a Pathfinder. He and my mother retired from the Rebellion toward the end of the war to raise me. Settled down on Yavin IV. A moon in the Yavin system. He's still there. When I joined the Resistance, he wanted to come with me, but—" Poe sighs. "He's an old man. I managed to convince him to stay. I miss him, every day, but… As long as Yavin is safe, I'll feel better knowing he's there and not here."

Finn hums, looking thoughtful for a moment.

"I just," he begins, but has to start over. "I just wish I had even the faintest memory of my parents. But there's nothing. There's just—" He shrugs. "I don't know. But whenever I've been on a planet with hot weather I get this… _familiar_ feeling. Like I've been on a similar planet before. It's been like that for as long as I can remember, but I don't know if it even means anything."

Poe watches Finn try to reel in the frustration spilling into his voice, and he wants to tell Finn that it's okay, that he has every right to be upset. And he can't help but feel guilty for having parents to talk about when Finn doesn't. For still having memories to live on, even after his mother is gone.

"I'm sorry," he says.

But Finn shakes his head.

"No, it's not— It's okay. I don't even know what I'm missing, do I?" He points out, smiling sadly. "Didn't even know what it was like to have a name."

Poe wants to argue with that, only he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to fix this. Doesn't know what to do about the hatred growing inside his own heart every time he's reminded of all the things Finn was robbed.

"You know you don't have to stick to 'Finn' if you don't want to, right?" He says in the end, because it's something that's been weighing on him. "You can choose whatever name you want. You don't have to use the one I gave you. I was just— You don't have to keep it, if you don't like it."

Finn meets his eyes steadily.

"I like it."

"Okay." Poe nods. "Good."

Finn suddenly looks worried.

"Do… _you_ like it?"

Poe chuckles, and is relieved to see the corners of Finn's mouth itching upwards.

"Yeah, buddy," he assures him, leaning in to nudge him with his elbow. "I like it. Suits you."

They don't speak for a while after that, a comfortable silence resting between them. Poe enjoys feeling the soft wind on his face, ruffling his hair. The tight knot in his stomach put there by the dream is starting to loosen up, like it always does. And it's this — knowing that the feeling will always pass, sooner or later — that helps him to keep going. It's what he uses to try and convince himself that _he's not broken_.

In the corner of his eye, Finn opens his mouth as if to speak all of three times before he actually does.

"When I was in medbay—" He pauses, throat working as he swallows. Poe waits patiently. Finn ducks his head down, running a hand over his hair. Just like Poe's beard, it's gotten longer. "The worst part was not being able to wake up. So if I— If you notice that I'm having— That I'm— Could you wake me up?"

Poe draws a stuttering breath. Finn had looked so peaceful in his sleep, and it's disturbing to think that it'd been a lie. Disturbing to imagine Finn trashing on the floor next to Poe's bed sometime in the near future, enough to alert him of what's happening.

He nods.

"Yeah. Of course I will."

Finn releases a heavy breath, smiling softly as their eyes lock again. And for the first time since he woke up, he looks truly at ease.

"Thank you."

Poe's heart shatters.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos make me happy but comments are what keep me going!
> 
> If you'd rather shoot me a message over on my [tumblr](https://zainclaw.tumblr.com/) that's very welcome as well. Feel free to follow me there for more Finnpoe feels and updates on my writing progress.


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